Monday, March 28, 2011

Failed Rituals

I genuinely wish i had left that fucking light switch alone. Who would have thought the flick of a switch could mean the difference amidst life and death. Genuinely everyone’s thought that. That’s why i turned it on. Sordid and stupid small rituals that we take from childhood. The light will chase the monsters away, the blanket over your head will save you from the boogie man. And you just get more of these rituals as you get older. As long as you lock the doors and turn on the home ease and security institution and system, you can rest your head happily in your cozy small fortified home. No killers or psychos, monsters or boogie men.
But it doesn’t work. None of it. We at all times slip up a heap of how. The one time you forget to lock that door. That’s when they get you. I would have been sound asleep whether or not i hadn’t been woken by the loud slam as the front door blew open. I stumbled out of bed and down the hall to see it swinging back and forth. I moved quickly down the hall to secure it. A moment of panic swelled inside of me. My home felt like a crime scene. It wasn’t my safe small sanctum anymore.
Despite the overpowering feeling of intrusion, there was no sign of disruption. Just the door. Just my unthinking and careless fault. I couldn’t apprehend it at introductory. It had to be a burgler or a heap of psycho. I looked around the rest of the house. Checking each cupboard, each crevice. Nothing. I felt sordid and stupid but relieved. I just wanted to get back to bed, to forget this whole embarrassment. I flung myself back down on my bed, closed my eyes for just a second. I sat back up. There was no way i’d fall asleep unless i double-checked that i locked the door this time. I mean i was sure i had done it this time but i felt this was justified paranoia.
I got to the door and tortuous and twisted the handle roughly about a dozen times, each time feeling the resistance of the lock. I smiled. Safe. I turned on my heels to go back to bed. But it was just a glimpse, a flare and flicker of something in my peripheral resourcefulness that sent me swinging back into a panic. A shadow from the kitchen. I rushed in merely to be confronted by my normal kitchen, bathed in moonlight. I sighed, questioned my sanity and decided that this, the longest night of my life must end. I went towards the bedroom once more. Another odd shadow crossed my path. As a shiver travelled down my spine, my tired mind braced apathetic denial and decided that it was in all likelihood the neighbours cat passing by the moonlit window.
I sat wide awake in my bed. Trying to tranquilize myself to sleep. Counting in my head until i might at long last nod off. But everytime i closed my eyes that feeling of intrusion was hushed and still there. The hands of something unseen looming above my head. Each creak and each shadow filled my mind with the dread of my childhood. Those nights after being tucked in by my parents. Those same trembling and fearful thoughts of lurking pathos and terror. But it was nothing… right? More creaks. More motion in the shadows. I turned and pushed my face into the pillow. I felt something brush passed my foot which stuck awkwardly out from below my blanket.
I jolted upright, looking deeply into the darkness. Swirling shadows. The monsters. The boogie men. I felt around sheepishly for my phone. The wearisome and dull light of the screen could put me at ease. Nothing on the nightstand and when my fingers roamed around the edge of the bed, instinctively i retracted them for fear of the unknown. I was alone but in the shadows i saw them, the monsters. Inky atrocious and abominable beasts.
It was the sole thing i thought could assist me. I lunged from the bed directly at the switch. My palm slammed down on it and the room erupted into light. My eyes burned momentarily and i glanced round the room. Frivolous and empty. Safe. Just paranoia. I shook my head and hit the switch once more. Climbing into bed in the pitch black. No shadows without my nightvision. But now i listen them. I can’t see them now. I don’t recognise what they want but i recognise i can’t leave. The rituals have failed. They’re on the other side of this blanket and all i can do now is hope that they’re gone in the morning.

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